One day soon, computer AIs are going to datamine things like email, and discover interesting patterns of "structural" anxieties manifesting through email forwards.
I received the first copy of this email in December of 2000, shortly after the first Bush election. I then received a whole bunch of emails with slight variations on this text shortly after the 2004 election. Suddenly, in early 2007, this forward returns to my Inbox.
you can tell that this text is a response to an election by the date given for "Come-Uppance Day", which is November 2. The presidential elections are always in the first week of November, and the 2004 election was nov. 2. Weirdly enough, this latest round of circulation doesn't follow any American election, save last november's midterms which saw the Democrats take back the House and Senate -- a move slightly antithetical to this email's call for "Revocation".
The attribution of this letter to John Cleese is what I find most interesting. This little addition opens the door to all kinds of theories. The reader is granted an authoritarian vindication for the sense of enjoyment they gain by reading the email, thanks to a more credible satirist. A desire for Empire, represented not only by the British history invoked in the email, but also by the legal framework and interpellative process by which the forward is structured (the reader is interpellated as an Imperial subject), suggests an unconscious and reflexive application of guilt on the part of Americans who are against Bush's policies, and yet do no further political action than send dispirited emails to each other at work. Furthermore, by invoking Cleese, a "friendly" subversive (Cleese was the most conservative member of Monty Python), the email is an impotently nostalgic return to the radical culture of the sixties -- a culture which was instrumental in realizing the most important anti-war measures of the late twentieth century.
That last point begs reflection: can a degree of political agency be realized by the citizenry? The most America seems to be able to do is send email and get its wishes vetoed by the President.
1 comment:
>John Cleese's Letter to America
> To the citizens of the United States of America
>
>In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA
>and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the
>revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
>
>Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical
>duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except
>Kansas , which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.
>
>Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for
>America without the need for further elections. Congress and the
>Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next
>year to determine whether any of you noticed.
>
>To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
>following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>
>1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
>Dictionary.
>
>Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You
>will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
>
>2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour',
>'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell
>'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix
>"ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."
>
>3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra';
>you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you
>simply can't cope with correct pronunciation.
>
>4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to
>acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-
>seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you
>know" is unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
>
>5. There is no such thing as " US English." We will let Microsoft
>know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted
>to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of
>"-ize."
>
>6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
>Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
>
>7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd
> will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in
>England . It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."
>
>8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
>lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
>therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.
>Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough
>to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist
>then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
>
>9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry
>anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be
>required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
>
>10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is
>for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will
>understand what we mean.
>
>11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you
>will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same
>time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of
>conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
>understand the British sense of humour.
>
>12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have
>been calling "gasoline") - roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.
>
>13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
> fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling
>potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick
>cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with
>vinegar.
>
>14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive
>with customers.
>
>15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
>actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will
>be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted
>provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be
>referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold
>without risk of further confusion.
>
>16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors
>as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English
>actors
> to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt
>English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an
>experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
>
>17. You will cease playing American "football" There is only one
>kind of proper football; you call it "soccer". Those of you brave
>enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some
>similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping
>for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour
>like a bunch of nancies).
>
>18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable
>to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not
>played
> outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there
>is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
>
>19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
>
>20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her
>Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the
>acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776.
>
>Thank you for your co-operation.
>
>John Cleese
>
>
Post a Comment