There's a certain kind of joy I feel when certain things fall into my lap. Like, for example, the way you fly on an airline and get a storyline for a horror film crop up into your head. Thanks United. You are great. The way you had nothing working on your flight, including the VCR (it's called DVD technology guys...) my reading lights, or the cooking elements (leaving my already fucked-up non-veg meal cold and lifeless) -- awesome. The way your boarding staff didn't actually check tickets before scanning them ("good luck getting out of tokyo," he said to me) thus leaving several of us with connecting flights at later airports stranded on the phone for hours -- peachy keen. The way you almost lost our luggage thanks to things like checking people into the wrong flights -- like a birthday orgasm.
At least your flight staff was courteous and did their best despite the tragedy of your incompetance. Funny how they ran the fuck away from the plane when we landed...
Please don't kill me on the way home, despite this little bit of bad press I am giving you, which is the following customer satisfaction report card:
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